Archive for humor

Offensive Halloween Costume Ideas: Why Should White People Have All the Fun?

Posted in Musings with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2011 by brucepoinsette

Racist costumes have become a hallmark of Halloween, especially on college campuses. Not long ago, I even remember running across an “Crips and Bloods Party” in my Facebook news feed. Students at Ohio University have chosen to start a campaign with posters saying, “This is not who I am and it is not okay.” However, a friend of mine suggested it might be more educational if we invited real Crips and Bloods to one of these events.

In the spirit of peace and snark, I came up with another solution, white stereotype costumes. If some white people are having so much fun with stereotypes then why should people of color not get to have a little fun too?

All it takes is a little creativity and you can have your very own offensive white costume. Just get some whiteface makeup and let your imagination and/or historical references flow.

Here are some ideas:

Police officer: Slutty cops and the dude from Reno 911 are pretty cliche at this point. Why not make it a little more realistic. You can use the same cop outfit you would find at any Target or Value Village. Just grab a plastic bag of sugar and make a “How to Fry a Nigger Manual” book cover to carry around with you.

Missionary: Surprisingly, the missionary doesn’t get that much play during Halloween. It’s easy to do too. The clothes can be wide ranging. What’s really important is that you have a Bible and dirty blanket.

Catholic Priest: Keeping with religion, the priest is more common, although quite tame on Halloween. To liven things up, just get a baby doll, preferably male, and make it into a hand puppet.

Overseer: The classic plantation overseer is another relatively simple costume idea. Find a derby, a button down shirt, some slacks and get a whip. If you want to make it more realistic, get a black female blow-up doll and decorate it with black eyes and red paint on the panties.

“I’m not racist but” kid: Getting back to current times, you could dress up as that person everyone knows, who will preface every offensive statement with, “I’m not racist but *insert the most racist thing you’ve ever heard here*”. Simply get a white t-shirt and write “I’m not racist but” with an arrow pointing to the back under it. Then on the back, feel free to write the most foul thing you can think of.

Hipster: Some people might wonder how a hipster could be offensive. If you live around the Portland area, you’ve probably noticed them quietly flooding formerly black neighborhoods like it’s nothing. To portray this image simply get some skinny jeans and whatever other tacky clothes you can find. To accentuate your costume, get some fried chicken and Alberta Street (or whatever historically black neighborhood is near you) mortgage papers.

“That” white girl at the club: If you’ve been out to the bar, club, or wherever to get your night life on then you’ve seen this person. Just get some regular hoe attire, a bottle of any hard liquor and a summer sausage in a glass jar.

Skinhead: If you want to add an addition to “that white girl”, try being her angry white supremacist boyfriend. Just get an orange jumpsuit, paint your hair to match the whiteface makeup and draw some Nazi tattoos on your neck. Perhaps even add some self inflicted bullet wounds.

Klansman: No negative white stereotype costume list would be complete without a Klansman. Just get a bed sheet, a rope to tie into a noose, a toy pony and a Bible. If you want to go all out, you could have your own version of those “Crips and Bloods Parties”. Simply invite every white person you know, burn some crosses and string up a black doll with one of the nooses. I think there use to be a word for these parties but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Oh yeah, a lynching.

Bonus

For extra points, you could go beyond stereotypes and impersonate some historical characters:

Thomas Jefferson: All you need is a powder wig, some Revolutionary War reenactment attire and the aforementioned black blow up doll with black eyes and bloody panties.

J. Edgar Hoover: Just get a suit and a Martin Luther King mask. Instead of putting the mask on yourself, put it on a mannequin head to carry around with you. This will require some extensive forehead makeup.

Oliver North: This costume might be a little difficult because it will require some type of military outfit. Preferably one that resembles a high ranking officer. After you acquire that, get the same bag of sugar from the aforementioned police costume and you’ll be set.

Rick Perry: Lastly, you could imitate current events. Simply find a hunting outfit and tape the words “Property of Niggerhead Ranch” on the back of your vest.

Punk Police

Posted in Musings with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 31, 2011 by brucepoinsette

Just for fun, I Twitter searched “portland police” yesterday afternoon. People were buzzing over the police surrounding a man locked in a bathroom who allegedly had a gun. Mayor Sam Adams was even praising the Portland Police Department for their great service.

When I looked up the story later in the night, it turned out the man had dropped a pellet gun and didn’t say anything, much less make a threat, during the incident. Typical.

With budget cuts hitting the Portland PD, there’s been no shortage of officers trying to make names for themselves. Whether it’s highway robbery, tagging people’s records and reputations, or shootings, times are getting desperate for the department.

Just like with any other gang, the tense times have hurt the people in the community the most.

The highways are filled with officers hiding behind bushes, trying not to lose their jobs to traffic light cameras. These “Jason Units” will pounce on anyone to bring in revenue.

It’s gotten to the point where I feel safer standing on any corner in New Columbia with a red jumpsuit on after 2 a.m. than I do when I see a car with sirens behind me.

That I’m black doesn’t help my case.

According to the Portland Mercury, blacks account for 14.6 percent of traffic stops while making up only six percent of the Portland population.

However, that’s just the police being nice.

You can catch officers practicing feces graffiti through the press every week. I used to find it strange that every incidence of violence involving black people was “possibly gang related”. Then I noticed that sometime around the fourth printing of a “possibly gang related” story there would be a correction saying gangs actually had nothing to do with it.

After all, how much damage can you do by claiming someone is a gang banger on every news channel and paper for a few straight days?

Not as much as you can with gun.

Portland police shooting black people is nothing new but the murder of Aaron Campbell, an unarmed black man, accentuated a new trend in targets: people with mental illnesses.

According to The Oregonian, The U.S. Justice Department had to launch an investigation into the Portland PD in June because the rise in police shootings over the past 18 months involved a majority of people with mental illness.

It’s as if the people chosen to protect and serve us are nothing more than high school bullies with guns. This is evidenced by their sometimes breathtaking incompetence.

In June, the police accidentally shot a man with live ammo. Not accidentally shot him as in the officer had a happy trigger finger. Actually the officer loaded the wrong (real) bullets into his beanbag shotgun and fired.

We already have police cameras on every traffic light post in places like Beaverton. With cops like these it might be safer to start patrolling the streets with drones.

I’m not saying all Portland police officers are evil, vindictive people. In fact, I’m sure most cops have their hearts in the right place.

There are plenty of nice people that burglarize homes and rob banks too. That’s usually why you see their neighbors on the news saying, “I never would’ve expected him to do something like that.”

Whether it was Prohibition, McCarthyism or the War on Drugs, police weren’t exactly making the public feel comfortable even during their best economic times.

Whenever a group of people with guns and little accountability are desperate for money, watch out.